In our last article we presented some useful tips for how to start the end-of-life conversation with your parents. Given the fact that most people do not want to discuss their own death and funeral, this can be a very challenging topic to bring up.
But once you successfully bring up the subject…then what? What should you ask regarding their wishes? Here are some suggestions for helpful things to find out:
Funeral planning
- Have you already done any pre-planning? If so, find out about any burial plot they have purchased, funeral plan they have on file, account they’ve set up to pay burial expenses, etc. What exactly do they have in place, and where?
- What do you want done with your body? Would they prefer burial, cremation, or a donation to science? Once you have the answer you also need to find out the details. Where would they like to be buried? If cremated, where do they want their ashes placed or buried? Is there a particular research program to which they want their body donated (and have they filled out the paperwork for this yet)?
- What are your wishes regarding a funeral? Do they have any preferences regarding the type of ceremony, who will officiate, who will be asked to participate, what special music should be played, what readings should be included, etc.?
- Which charity or cause would you like contributions sent to in your name? Don’t assume you’re familiar with their current preferences.
Information you will need for a death certificate
- Full legal name
- Date and location of birth
- Social Security number
- Mother’s birth name
- Full legal name of spouse or domestic partner
If your parent is a U.S. veteran you will also need:
- Official military discharge document bearing an official seal, or other supporting documentation, showing that the release from service was under conditions other than dishonorable.
Estate planning documents
- What estate planning documents (if any) do they have in place? Do they have a Will, Advance Health Care Directive, Durable Power of Attorney or Trust?
- Where are these documents kept? And what are the names and contact information for the Executor of the Will and your estate planning attorney?
- Do you have a safety deposit box? If so, where is it, where is the key, who has access, and what important documents do you keep there?
Assets and debts
- Do you have an inventory of your assets and debts? If not, would they let you help them create one? This document should list information about all of their debts (mortgage, car loan, credit card debt, etc.) and all of their assets (house, bank accounts, investment accounts, IRAs, pensions, life insurance policies, etc.). Be sure to include account numbers and information about where the documents associated with these assets and debts are located.
- Do you have an authorized user on your bank and investment accounts? This would allow family members to easily access these funds to cover medical bills and funeral arrangements.
Be sure to document all of this
As your parents are answering these questions, be sure to write down all of their answers! Don’t assume that in your moment of grief you will be able to remember any of these important details.
Regarding the funeral, pre-planning can be a real blessing for everyone involved. Your parents are able to clearly make their wishes known, and you are able to know that when the time comes you’ll be doing things as they preferred. If your parents would like to do this, Olive Tree Mortuary is here to help. Call us at 714-739-1961 to schedule an appointment, and we’ll help you create a plan that gives everyone peace of mind.